TODAY I AM A PINEAPPLE LUMP!

Yes you heard me correctly!!

WHAT makes me an artist.... I feel happy that I have splashed some paint on a canvass and have painted a rabbit!!! but this is bollocks!! this does NOT make me an 'artist' ....others in my field would have completed 10 boards by lunchtime and I have painted a RABBIT... oh GOD!!!

Yesterday I made myself a schedule for the next 9 weeks and all of a sudden I feel like I know what I'm doing!! who would have known it could be that EASY!!

Writing a 'to do' list works, even one that is nine weeks long!!!

MORE OF THE DEMONS

Here I am sitting at this desk in the poolhouse and wondering what its all about and if there is any point??? I wish I could stay centered and focused but it is a hard and difficult journey in an artists world. WHY am I doing any of this? why dont I get a REAL job with a REAL weekly income and then I might feel like I contribute but instead I plod along with some belief that one day I will be discovered as some incredible hidden talent and everyone will want to buy my paintings and it will all have been worth the struggle and empty pay packets that never even existed each week.... its a permanent battle to keep going under these conditions and a game in my mind that I MUST play in order to keep going , even at the ridiculous pace that I work at.

This morning I told myself that I had taken 6 months off from my 'REAL' job so I could paint and how LUCKY I was to be able to do this!! All tricks trying to get my art mojo to happen and then what happens.... I splash some paint write some notes and then start falling into the pile of rubbish in my mind, a dark infested place of rotten thoughts of uselessness and being un worthy!!! what a waste full place, get me out of here and back to planet paint! I look at what I have done [created] so far and I feel like a fake! and yet I will look at other artists who belong to reputible gallerys and say to myself... 'why isnt my work in there???' ok enough self loathing...Im going back in....I can win...???????......

I have sore legs and feet from standing on the concrete, I need some new music, I feel too full, BUT..... work is going well and Im on the track now..... am on 4th painting [they are smaller ones] to appeal to broader market! Next going to start on warbling boards as I splash the paint around on another huge canvass ready to be cut into pieces and made into 'points of entry'

Had a pedicure today so every time I bend down to dip the brush in the paint I see sparkle toes!! they look good!

The perspex dilemma ...how to, what to, DO... want to have a nana nap, ate too much lunch and need sleep now....erghhhh

CURVES

I love this one....