2011 SHOW

POINT OF ENTRY

So.... it is Saturday the 1st of Oct..... 17 days until I will be hanging the work AND I am sitting in bed and 12:14pm with the electric blanket on and having a God dam break!! my shoulder is munted and the day is grey and windy....at some point I will draaaaaaaaag myself out of this blissfully warm bed and do some work but for this moment I WILL NOT!! haha

Only so many days to go and SO many things to do.... WILL I GET IT ALL DONE?.... YES.....I WILL!!

Well I believe I must tell myself this or I will not even come close, I guess I like the panic of it all and boy will I enjoy a bottle of bubbles on the night!!

TODAY I AM A PINEAPPLE LUMP!

Yes you heard me correctly!!

WHAT makes me an artist.... I feel happy that I have splashed some paint on a canvass and have painted a rabbit!!! but this is bollocks!! this does NOT make me an 'artist' ....others in my field would have completed 10 boards by lunchtime and I have painted a RABBIT... oh GOD!!!

Yesterday I made myself a schedule for the next 9 weeks and all of a sudden I feel like I know what I'm doing!! who would have known it could be that EASY!!

Writing a 'to do' list works, even one that is nine weeks long!!!

MORE OF THE DEMONS

Here I am sitting at this desk in the poolhouse and wondering what its all about and if there is any point??? I wish I could stay centered and focused but it is a hard and difficult journey in an artists world. WHY am I doing any of this? why dont I get a REAL job with a REAL weekly income and then I might feel like I contribute but instead I plod along with some belief that one day I will be discovered as some incredible hidden talent and everyone will want to buy my paintings and it will all have been worth the struggle and empty pay packets that never even existed each week.... its a permanent battle to keep going under these conditions and a game in my mind that I MUST play in order to keep going , even at the ridiculous pace that I work at.

This morning I told myself that I had taken 6 months off from my 'REAL' job so I could paint and how LUCKY I was to be able to do this!! All tricks trying to get my art mojo to happen and then what happens.... I splash some paint write some notes and then start falling into the pile of rubbish in my mind, a dark infested place of rotten thoughts of uselessness and being un worthy!!! what a waste full place, get me out of here and back to planet paint! I look at what I have done [created] so far and I feel like a fake! and yet I will look at other artists who belong to reputible gallerys and say to myself... 'why isnt my work in there???' ok enough self loathing...Im going back in....I can win...???????......

I have sore legs and feet from standing on the concrete, I need some new music, I feel too full, BUT..... work is going well and Im on the track now..... am on 4th painting [they are smaller ones] to appeal to broader market! Next going to start on warbling boards as I splash the paint around on another huge canvass ready to be cut into pieces and made into 'points of entry'

Had a pedicure today so every time I bend down to dip the brush in the paint I see sparkle toes!! they look good!

The perspex dilemma ...how to, what to, DO... want to have a nana nap, ate too much lunch and need sleep now....erghhhh

CURVES

I love this one....

I am on the track to somewhere... where that where is is anyones guess right now but Im sure its going to be grand in some description.

The day outside the poolhouse is dark and Im loving it, sometimes a dark day is a great day to work with loads of bright color. Grey is the perfect back drop

Going to post the updated version of the curves painting, its finished and I will be dropping it to Laundromat gallery today for the ChCh fundraiser thing

GREAT advice from darling Anja on the weekend.... thank GOD she went to Elam!! told me to just get on with it and stop being so darn precious, that if Michael Parekowhai were here looking at my work every second word would be 'F' and to burn them out!!! so going with this advice and to put a time allowance on each..... stop being so DARN PRECIOUS!!

things are going well ,apart from the stinking hot weather and an unlined tin studio that pretends to be a sauna Got back into it yesterday and going well.

I find it so SO cool how things [events] align themselves when on the right track, the non crazy in your head voices speak softly and clearly and MUST be listened too ,ok now I sound crazy mwahahahahaha you know what I mean FATE

This, is what I am working on at the moment although not a brush has licked it today, will post finished product within the week, late R

BOO HOOwhoooo..

Yep another poos day in the pool house...its just not happening and I scribbled in my journal like a baby having a major tantrum! The gardeners were next door doing the gardens [weird] and I hope they didn't hear me but it would be my own fault if I embarrassed myself because really I should know better than to set foot inside the pool house when my god damn mother f@#king hormones are at work.... so nothing great good or in different to report just another crap day of nothingness!

I'M BACK...

The only person I am really coming back to appears to be me! but that is ok...its really a diary to let me know what my mind has been doing etc etc...

So since I last visited I have sold sold and sold paintings...great news for me! I am doing an exhibition in October the same time as rugby world cup in the hope of getting some overseas interest???? and more importantly SALES....

Hve been on a trip to SF and Vegas and got myself a whole pile of reference material, on the wish list to visit is NY again as want to get some good pics there too, but perhaps next time on a plane will take my by that way....lets see what I can upload on dial up [the gals have soaked up all the broadband on games erghhhh.....